beautiful mess

Yesterday, Dave asked me if a clean house was my idol. I laughed at him. "That's ridiculous," I thought to myself, "I just want everything put away, decluttered, organized, color coded, stylish, dirt-free, alphabetized, matching, labeled..." wait a minute. We were at the beach when he asked, and I was pouting because I didn't get to put away enough of the clutter that morning before we left. A gorgeous day with my husband and daughter laughing and playing in the waves, and all I could think about was how much laundry I hadn't done that morning.

I've never been big into organization, but somehow this summer it's become an obsession. I've ripped out every piece of clothing from our closets, scoured corners, re-papered all the cabinets, and been a generally boring person to my daughter (and probably husband as well). It got to the point I couldn't do anything else until I had cleaned somehting What is going on?

We're told we can have it all, a beautiful home, a happy family, busy schedule, successful carreer... but in the last few days I've come to understand that's not reality; at least not for me. I would rather spend time sewing a stuffed animal for Em, or cuddling up with my husband, than putting in new shelf lining for the kitchen. I can't do everything, but I'm starting to see that sometimes the small piles of clutter, or a few dishes in the sink can be a picture of something more important... a beautiful mess, a fufilling life.